Fathers in Name Only

By MIUREGA ENKIROTE REDEMPTA

Chuka University,  Bachelor of Arts Journalism and Mass Communication 

One of the most alarming questions today is whether a deadbeat father should be considered a  father. On birth certificates and in law ,fatherhood is simply a man whose name appears  beside a child. 

However, beyond biology and paperwork lies a deeper question that continues to stir emotions in homes and court rooms:what truly defines a father? Is it DNA ,or is it responsibility and dedication  towards the child? It sad to note that most children grow up knowing their fathers only as distant figures i.e present in blood but absent in responsibility, while others have never seen their father nor know their existence.

In our  African  customs, it is a taboo for  a child to be born without  paternal presence in  the family. In most cases , in our societies  young girls who become expectant before marriage   tend to be forcefully made to do abortion in order  to cover  the shame. The victims’ parents always have an aim of portraying their children as holy in order to avoid their dignity from being destroyed and wide spread of gossip in their respective communities. What happens to courageous  girls who refuse to submit to abortion? Are they accepted back by their parents? Do their partners take responsibility ?

Unfortunately , some tend to run away from their homes in order  to save their unborn babies and their lives because their parents do not accept their situations. On our social media platforms, you opt to see videos of many ladies narrating the struggles their undergo being single mothers. It is very painful when you listen to their talks and wonder how can  fathers be so cruel to the extent of not taking responsibility  and even going to the point of claiming they are not the fathers yet some of the children are their own photocopies. We are living in an era where most men are abandoning their responsibility when they mess up and shamelessly threaten the victims to never show up in their lives and refuse to acknowledge  their existence pretending they have never seen, heard or associated  with them.

Scrolling on my social media platforms , l came across  a young mother being interviewed on why she  decided to  become a sex worker yet there are many job opportunities  she would have selected. She claimed that life became very harsh  and unforgiving due to harsh economy and she had  children  to take care of.  Her boyfriend ran away  because taking care of the   children was expensive and she could not bring herself to seeking help from her parents because they were not in good terms . For the well being of her children, she decided to take this path for no pain no gain. Her dignity was  trampled but she had to wear mask to cover her  pain for the well-being of  her children. 

Most single  mothers tend to do anything for the happiness of their children and to ensure they live a comfortable life  and never feel  that they lack love. Behind their warm smiles, however, are untold sacrifices. Many wake up before dawn and sleep long after midnight, juggling work , household duties and parenting without a break. They deny themselves simple comforts just to provide school fees ,food and decent clothing.

Sometimes the society is unkind .Words are whispered, fingers pointed, their dignity is questioned. Yet they remain strong not because they are hurting, but because giving up is not an option in their lives as strength becomes  a daily decision for the well being of their children. There are nights when they do not sleep tossing on their beds from one point to another, tears falling onto their pillows because they do not have a shoulder to lean on. They worry about what will become of their children in the future  if they suddenly succumb to death and leave their children all alone in  this unforgiving world. 

The fear of not being  enough torments them but when they see their innocent children’s  faces , they rise again with determination  because love pushes  them forward as they got each other back. Single mothers may stand alone but carry the weight of two parents with courage. Her struggles  shape her into  a warrior and though the world may not always recognize her sacrifices, she only believes that her children will one day understand  that every sacrifice was made up  of pure and unconditional love.

It is very shocking to see a grown-up man who neglected their responsibility crawling back shamelessly after  hearing the success of their abandoned children. You tend to wonder why do they want to be accepted back and recognized as the fathers when the struggles of single motherhood have  yielded  fruits. 

Early January after KCSE results were announced we saw single mothers  happily dancing and singing for the success of their children . One of the single mothers  in a matatu claimed that the cruel father wants to come back and fight for the custody of the child after hearing the child performed well. This reminded me of an African notion that a child who excel in their  examination is as wise as the father but one who fails is as foolish as the mother.

In conclusion , a deadbeat father can not truly be considered  a father because fatherhood is more than just a biological connection. It requires responsibility ,care , protection and active involvement in a child’s life . A man who abandons his duties leaves the child without  guidance , support and emotional security .True  fatherhood is measured by love ,commitment and the willingness  to nurture and provide. Therefore, society should recognize that being a father is defined by actions , not just by a name on a birth certificate  nor by DNA.